Blindsided

Imagine preparing and training for a half marathon. You are physically fit, healthy, and running up to 6 miles a day. In the blink of an eye, you are paralyzed, unable to feed yourself. Completely helpless. This was my story in 2012 when I went in for what was supposed to be an outpatient procedure for pain management that ultimately changed my life. 

In an instant I couldn’t feel my arms. I tried to speak, but my words would not form.  After a week in the hospital and going through various tests, brain scans, EKGs, MRI’s and every other test imaginable, the neurologist finally discovered that my spinal cord had been punctured and resulting in significant nerve damage. They used some other medical terminology that I tried to understand, but it wasn’t registering. After all, I was in the process of becoming a Doctor of Psychology, NOT a doctor of medicine. He explained that the damaged nerves could not communicate with the muscles: paralysis. I was mortified. The doctor explained that some nerves would LIKELY grow back, but it would take a while, YEARS. My next stop was inpatient rehabilitation, where I would have to learn to walk, feed myself, and regain the use of my limbs. My life had been turned upside down, and now I was on a journey to heal. I had to adjust and began to navigate a new way of living.

 After 8 weeks of intensive rehabilitation in the hospital, I finally came home in a wheelchair. For 7 months I lived in a hospital bed in my living room, and I was assigned a nurse 5 days a week to assist me. Eventually I progressed from a wheelchair to a walker and then a cane, which became a part of my daily accessories. Over the next six years, I struggled with managing my spinal cord injury. For some reason, I suffered a relapse every two years. My body would shut down, and I would end up in the hospital/rehab to start the process all over again. This was my new norm from 2012 to 2017: Recover-Relapse-Rehab multiplied by 4.

 This traumatic life-altering event is enough to leave anyone feeling defeated, discouraged, and confused with no idea, much less a desire to move forward. Perhaps you have experienced your own life-altering event and you struggle with trying to move forward. Though the circumstances of your event may be different,  “life” will happen to all of us. I’ve learned that it is not so much about “the what” that is happening; instead, it is about “how” we respond that will dictate our success. Here are a few factors that were impactful in my own process.

•    My faith. My faith is the most significant resource in my life. It is what keeps me grounded when life happens. During this time, I was quickly reminded of my favorite scriptures: Philippians 4:13 (I can do all things through Christ…), Romans 8:37 (..We are more than conquerors through Him…), Psalms 121:1-2 ( I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help, my help comes from the Lord….). It wasn’t difficult to stand on those scriptures. I also knew that what was happening to me was not a punishment from God. In my spiritual maturity, I knew better. I understood that it rained on the just and the unjust (Matthew 5:45). Life was happening to me, but my faith determined how I moved forward. This injury may have come as a surprise to me, but not to God. I knew He had me. However, I also knew there were more conversations to be had with my heavenly Father.

• Perspective. Our perspective can have a profound impact on our experiences. Sometimes it is easy to fall into a negative yet realistic mindset, especially at the onset of the experience. The truth of the matter was I suffered a traumatic injury to my spinal cord. The reality was that my life had been drastically changed as I could not walk and engage in normal daily life activities. But I chose to consider another perspective. The doctor could have severed my spinal cord, which would have yielded a very different outcome. Instead, he caused trauma to my spinal cord, and I was ALIVE. A shift in my perspective made it possible for me to have a different experience and reality. I was alive to fight.

• Supportive relationships. Supportive friends and family also made it possible to navigate my journey. I wish I could tell you that all of my friendships survived my injury, but they did not. I lost some friendships, not because they were terrible people, but because they didn’t know how to handle me and my situation. Some felt helpless and did not know what to do. The remaining relationships with family and friends were strengthened due to my injury. My husband rearranged his entire work and school schedule to accommodate my treatment schedule. Other friends and family members were also supportive and accommodating. They became my village. Perhaps the most significant value of my support circle was that they encouraged my growth and held me accountable for my journey, never allowing me to give up.

• Continuing on (Finishing…). Did I mention that I was in graduate school full-time working on my doctorate degree while working a full-time job when I got injured? Remembering that the doctor told me there was nothing wrong with my brain, I immediately decided to get back to my school work. Though I did not have many answers to my questions, I had no idea what my future would look like, but I knew I needed to finish school. I decided I was too young and had too much life left in me to allow an injury to take me out. While in the hospital, I continued writing papers and doing presentations via skype. One of my professors even came to the hospital and allowed me to present a final assignment. There were so many factors in my life that I could not control. However, being in school was the only aspect of my life that I had control over. Pursuing my education gave me something to focus on while navigating my injury. I persevered and went on to graduate on time.

In addition to these factors, I learned about a concept that literally changed my life: Post-Traumatic Growth. These profound three words put my entire experience into perspective and provided clarity like nothing before. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which can often result in negative responses to trauma, Post-traumatic growth is a positive psychological response to trauma or major life adversity. The idea is that some/many people search for new meaning and purpose after they have experienced a traumatic event. People can often experience positive change across five different areas:

1) an increased sense of self and personal strength

2) enriched relationships with others

3) a new gratitude for life

4) an openness for new possibilities

5) improved spirituality

Researchers say that all five domains are not required to experience growth. You can experience changes in one, two, or even four and have post-traumatic growth. It has been almost 10 years since my original injury. Remarkably, it has been 3 years since I had a relapse (I passed the two-year mark). This journey has not always been easy. But I didn’t realize I was actually experiencing Post-traumatic growth along the way. I am continuing to grow, and my body continues to heal. I still struggle with back pain. But I am walking 4-5 miles a day, exercising, weightlifting, and no longer on a cane. I know my strength, and I can openly acknowledge my limitations. My relationships have improved, and it goes without saying that I have a new appreciation for life. My priorities are different. I no longer think about my life before my injury when I was functioning at 100%. I used to think I was my best at 100%  before the injury. Today, my mindset is I would rather my best be 85 or 90% after my injury, knowing it is God’s best for me. I have a better quality of life. That is growth!!

Life is going to happen. Don’t be discouraged. Be encouraged, seek God, and be open to what He has for you. Shift your perspective and look for opportunities to experience Post-traumatic growth. It will change your life.

Dr. Ronecia Lark, Psy.D., M.A., is licensed as a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist and is the training and recruitment coordinator at Champion Counseling Center and adjunct faculty at California University Dominguez Hills.