Do You Should All Over Your Self?

If I were you, I’d probably keep scrolling. Reading this will be a waste of time, there’s nothing to see here. This is just a page filled with “not good enough” words from a “not good enough” writer. She has nothing to –Thanks Shadow, I’ll take it from here.

Meet Shadow, the inner voice in me that lives to criticize my entire being. She is a black cloud that follows me around ensuring to whisper things in my ear to make me feel less than, not good enough, and full of failure. Some of her most popular phrases are: “you should have…”, “well, that was stupid”, “why would you say that”, “here you go again making a fool of yourself”, “just stay quiet and let someone else do it”, “really, what do you have to offer”. Shadow is my inner critic, and she has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, overpowering my every thought.

For the longest time, I would just run from her in fear. She seemed to be so full of herself, all knowing and just had a way with words. Truth is, she intimidated me. In hindsight, I think a large portion of that intimidation came from being in the unknown. I didn’t know anything about her, who she was, where she came from, heck, I didn’t even know her name. Yet, she somehow knew everything about me…or so I thought. Steve Chapman’s Ted Talk on Dancing with your Inner Critic introduced me to the idea of embracing my inner critic rather than running in fear from it. He proposed idea that getting to know our critics will give us leverage on being able to expose them as frauds –– tiny little thoughts that are not all knowing, but instead often twist reality to feed us negativity and lies. Getting to know Shadow has shifted our relationship.

As I grew to know Shadow, I realized how much she didn’t know about me and how much of me she intentionally chose to ignore because it was evidence against the negative thought cycles she likes to start within me.

I wish I could say I have evicted Shadow from the premises of my inner being, but I haven’t. All the work I’ve done to better myself and Shadow is still here. However, what I can say is, that “talk” she likes to have has been minimized. The chances of her making me want to just melt into the floor and disappear have grown slimmer. I’ve learned to stop her in her tracks and regain control of the things I tell myself.

Having an inner critic is normal and extremely common. Many of us have had unpleasant experiences and interactions that have left behind messages we constantly replay in our minds. We have the power to overcome these negative thought cycles, not allowing them to define our entire being. I have rediscovered my power to choose the things I tell myself, and so can you!

Here’s what I did to reclaim my thoughts.

• I got to know my inner critic. I imagined what she’d look like, drew her out and gave her a name. An idea birthed from Steven Chapman’s Ted Talk mentioned earlier. I furthered my understanding of her story, where she came from and who she was.
• I wrote a list of affirmations, positive things I can tell myself to recant the lies she tried to force me to believe. Things to provide evidence against my negative self-talk. Things I’m able to have at hand to reverse the negative self-talk cycle and redirect my thoughts towards positivity.
• I became mindful and intentional with the company I surrounded myself with. Being careful of the words of other’s I allowed to stick with me, filtering out those that were intended to cause me harm and focused more on the truths spoken over me by those intending to help build me up.

Taelor Edwards is pursuing a Master’s degree psychology with and emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy and is a Practicum Trainee at Champion Counseling Center.