Counselors As Process Experts vs Content Experts

A long time Director at Champion Counseling Center, Dr. Kenneth Polite, used to tell new therapists that they are Process Experts and not Content Experts.  This statement helped me articulate what we do as therapists.  People usually come to counseling expecting advice or suggestions on how to live their lives.  They share their story and ask “what shall I do?”

I remember once a single mother with a special need child telling me all the things she did to help her child and said “what do you think I should do next?”.  I reflected back to her all the things she told me and said to her “and you want me to tell you more things to do?”.  I said to her that “she has done more than what I would have done if I was in her shoes”. I remember how she cried and felt heard. She is used to people telling her what she needs to do and what she is doing wrong.  She felt judged and blamed for her child’s condition. Instead of telling her what else to do, we processed what it’s like to be a single mother while raising a special needs child and being a first-generation college graduate.  During her time in therapy, she reclaimed her identity as a strong woman and a child of God.  She claimed her “truth” and rejected the lies she believed.  The most challenging lie to confront was her own negative self-talk. It was contrary to what she believed as a Christian and as a hard-working woman.  What this person needed was a safe space to explore and express her thoughts and feelings.  She needed someone to listen to her and help her get insight about her life.  She learned new skills on how to challenge her negative self-talk and focus on her “true” identity.  Our feelings point us to the pain or joy we are experiencing at the time but they don’t inform our true identity. 

Of course, there are some tools we learn in therapy to overcome some of our challenges.  We gain insight about the patterns of our behavior and understand why we do what we do.  Most of these insights are revealed during the therapeutic process.  What we get out of therapy is what we put into it.  Clients who benefit the most from therapy are those who are ready to figure out their challenges and determined to live an authentic life.  This takes determination and courage! 

So trust the process.  Don’t be intimidated by the initial process of meeting a therapist and building a trust.  Have courage to look at yourself and your behaviors.  I have witnessed miracles in this process.  Remember that your therapist is not there to tell you how to live your life but instead to walk with you as you discover new insight and learn new skills to live a more genuine life.  Therapists are not Content Experts but rather Process Experts.